Bad Day
It's days like these I don't want to live
I just don't try, I cannot win
Oh please someone tell me why
Despite my tears I can't just die
It's like the hurt keeps coming, more and more
Eroding me down to just the core
Until all that's left of me in this room
Are my thoughts of dark and eternal gloom
But can't someone just make it end
Of course not, for death is not my friend
So here I am, free to cry
Because life's too cruel to let me die
Alright this is quite possibly the best poem I've ever written. Not my favorite, but deffently the best. I've had several people read it already and though everyone finds it sad, everyone also thinks it's very good. This poem is also being published in two books. My inseperation in writing it was obviously a very bad day. I like it so much because I didn't really have to think while I was writing it. It was kinda like the words just feel into my head. Most poems I write like that aren't very good, but I deffently think this one is an exception.
I just don't try, I cannot win
Oh please someone tell me why
Despite my tears I can't just die
It's like the hurt keeps coming, more and more
Eroding me down to just the core
Until all that's left of me in this room
Are my thoughts of dark and eternal gloom
But can't someone just make it end
Of course not, for death is not my friend
So here I am, free to cry
Because life's too cruel to let me die
Alright this is quite possibly the best poem I've ever written. Not my favorite, but deffently the best. I've had several people read it already and though everyone finds it sad, everyone also thinks it's very good. This poem is also being published in two books. My inseperation in writing it was obviously a very bad day. I like it so much because I didn't really have to think while I was writing it. It was kinda like the words just feel into my head. Most poems I write like that aren't very good, but I deffently think this one is an exception.
posted by Em at 5:50 PM
7 Comments:
I'm impressed. Trust me, I don't leave comments on blogs other than my friends', yours is the first.
Very good poetry-writing skills. Keep it up.
Thank you Iceberg for your compliment. I'm flattered to know that someone other then my good friends like my poetry (not that I don't enjoy your comments as well patricio).
Also as you can tell I've gone through and deleted a bunch of comments. This is because 6 out of the 7 comments I've gotten on this poem so far have been spam and it's ticking me off. So the next person who decides to leave me a link to a penile enlargement site is going to kicked in their surgically enhanced manhood.
Definately one of those poems that needs to be read out loud to get the full effect. The rhythm confuses my mind, but when I speak it (after I got used to the rhythm) it really does flow.
I'd say that line three needs one more syllable... it feels a little short. Actually, a comma might do it. Other than that, outstanding work. I really do like this poem.
Favorite lines:
"But can't someone just make it end"
and
"Because life's too cruel to let me die"
...
First one, I don't know why I like it, but it really just sounds good. Second one... Cruel isn't a unique word, but seriously, it really does work better than anything else would here. I guess I like the word choice.
--extension.
Second line... the reason above, and nuance. Nuance is always good, when not excessive (i know about excessive nuance. >_>)
But yeah, the last line is really good.
I love your poem emily, I think it's awesome.
*high fives*
you must get me a copy of your poetry book ;D
LOL!! Thank you Nicole.
And thank you as well Patrick, though, don't be mad at me because I don't exactly agree with line 3 needing a syllable. But I guess it's all in the way you read it. I do really appricate you telling what you like about the poem though. It makes me feel proud of myself.
I can't get mad at you for not agreeing with me, it's none of my business anyway. :P
And you are welcome.
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