Cutting
I wanted everything to go away
But how to do so I couldn't say
So I picked up the scissors and cut at my arm
Knowing fully of the harm
I did it over and over, I wouldn't quit
The pain was wonderful, I simply loved it
In my sick mind I thouht the blood was beautiful against my skin
In some perverse way I'd thought I'd win
Like my broken heart would finally mend
As long as the blood flow would never end
But the pain came back as it always would
Yet I didn't stop cutting like I knew I should
So time went by and each day blood spilled
And sometimes I wondered, would this kill
But I never found out, because I was caught
And because of that I can say I've stopped
Everyday though it crosses my mind
Because the wounds have healed, yet the scars still shine
This I would have to say is my favorite poem that I've ever written. Now I know it's not the best thing ever written. There are some parts that don't flow as nicely as I wish it would and I know caught and stopped don't really ryhme. But that does not change the fact that this is my favorite. It's my favorite because this poem does a wonderful job of portraying my feelings. As you can tell from the poem that in the past I had a problem with cutting. I try not to talk about it a lot because I don't want people thinking I'm telling this story for attention. That's why I wrote the poem. I couldn't tell other people the story so I told it to myself. This poem is one of the few I've written that nothing is exagerated, I felt and did everything stated in that poem. So knowing that little peice of back ground info I hope you appreciate the poem a little more.
But how to do so I couldn't say
So I picked up the scissors and cut at my arm
Knowing fully of the harm
I did it over and over, I wouldn't quit
The pain was wonderful, I simply loved it
In my sick mind I thouht the blood was beautiful against my skin
In some perverse way I'd thought I'd win
Like my broken heart would finally mend
As long as the blood flow would never end
But the pain came back as it always would
Yet I didn't stop cutting like I knew I should
So time went by and each day blood spilled
And sometimes I wondered, would this kill
But I never found out, because I was caught
And because of that I can say I've stopped
Everyday though it crosses my mind
Because the wounds have healed, yet the scars still shine
This I would have to say is my favorite poem that I've ever written. Now I know it's not the best thing ever written. There are some parts that don't flow as nicely as I wish it would and I know caught and stopped don't really ryhme. But that does not change the fact that this is my favorite. It's my favorite because this poem does a wonderful job of portraying my feelings. As you can tell from the poem that in the past I had a problem with cutting. I try not to talk about it a lot because I don't want people thinking I'm telling this story for attention. That's why I wrote the poem. I couldn't tell other people the story so I told it to myself. This poem is one of the few I've written that nothing is exagerated, I felt and did everything stated in that poem. So knowing that little peice of back ground info I hope you appreciate the poem a little more.
posted by Em at 4:04 PM
4 Comments:
I'd agree that it isn't your absolute best, but I can definately see why it's your favorite.
"In some perverse way I'd thought I'd win"
That's a good line. Maybe it's just the word choice again. I'm not entirely sure.
"Because the wounds have healed, yet the scars still shine"
Ah, so true. That is one of those lines that half the world can relate to in one way or another. I dunno, Emily, you just have a thing for ending lines. They're always good.
Thank you again, Patrick. I was actuelly thinking about it as I typed up the poem today, I think my best/strongest lines are always the first and last.
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Bailey, thank you so much for your concern. And let me tell you, this was 2 years ago now, I have gotten help and I haven't cut since. Yes, emoitionally I haven't fully recovered, but because of the people I care about there is no way in hell I could ever go back to that life style. I know it hurts them just as much, if not more then me and they didn't ask for that pain. So it wouldn't be fair for me to do that to them.
As for having a personality disorder, I'm not so sure. I'm studying psychology in school and we haven't gotten to that unit yet. My psychologist thought told me I would be ok and since I've stopped seeing him he's been right. Now instead of taking my emtions out on myself I put it in writing. Be that poetry, journeling or whatever, it just works for me. I hope you're ok to because nobody deserves to feel like they are living through hell everyday.
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