Not Good Enough
As I lie here in the shattered remains of my heart,
I realize I was never good enough
Everything we have or had was a lie
I was used by the one person I thought I loved
Why I ever thought he would want me is a mystery
I am nothing but an immature, unintelligent, love sick girl
Short but brilliant. I love every part of this poem because it's exactly how I felt when I wrote it. I didn't try and change it to make it ryhme or anything. Just thoughts on paper in poetry formation. Bet you can't guess who I'm writing about.....
I realize I was never good enough
Everything we have or had was a lie
I was used by the one person I thought I loved
Why I ever thought he would want me is a mystery
I am nothing but an immature, unintelligent, love sick girl
Short but brilliant. I love every part of this poem because it's exactly how I felt when I wrote it. I didn't try and change it to make it ryhme or anything. Just thoughts on paper in poetry formation. Bet you can't guess who I'm writing about.....
posted by Em at 1:48 PM
8 Comments:
I'm guessing... Orlando Bloom. Everybody is in love with damn legolas.
Lol, you know I'm kidding.
You know, I'd say the most awesome, penetrating, powerful poem ever written probably rhymes. But I think there are probably more powerful poems that don't rhyme. Only the best poets in the world can write something that incredible while conforming to a rhyme and rhythm. But when you just write down whatever comes to you, then it's so much easier to let people really see into your soul. Which, incedentally, is what makes poetry great--it's all about knowing the writer.
This is the case here. Though I don't necessarily agree (what was I supposed to say? :P), I think this poem is probably in the top three of yours and everyone else I know's writings (I'm excluding mine, because I can't judge my own work. It can't be done). It's got no rhythm, and it's short, sweet, and to the point, but it works, and you pretty much poured your heart out on the page, and let the gods of poetry work their wonders.
Two thumbs up.
Thank you, thank you. I love your comments, Patrick. I knew while I was typing this up today that this would be a poem you would like. The fact that it's in your top three makes me feel especially proud.I value your opinion a lot when it comes to poetry because I like yours so much.
The first time I read your comment I thought you were trying nicely to say you hated it because of the "I don't agree part", but I think now I know what you were talking about.
Oh but you do know what you left out this time right? The favorite line part. Lol of course this poem is so short that must be kinda hard so I don't blame you. Well any ways, thank you much.
You're very welcome.
And I think my favorite line is
"As I lie here in the shattered remains of my heart,"...
Just a great opening line. Good imagery, and in 11 words you sum up... hell, basically everything. very nice.
You know. I've been dropping in on your site since you commented on mine once (i'm like that) and I've noticed that patrick pretty much tells you he loves everything you do.
Now, there's nothing wrong with this. In fact, it's good to have freinds who aren't bastardous like that. It's just,... don't you want to improve? Everyone has room for improvement. I just think it'd be better to comment on what can be improved rather than what's great about it.
Kovier, I agree that I would love to improve and sure one way of doing that would be for Patrick to tell me everything that's not good about my poetry, but honestly I'm glad he doesn't do that.
Poetry is a form of art in my opinion and you can't try correct art, you can just like it or hate it.
So yeah constructive critisim would be good for me but by Patrick telling me what he likes, I can use that to create more of that kind of stuff and leave out or correct the things that aren't so good.
I agree with Emily on that. Fiction and poetry are two very different forms. Fiction can be edited and changed and beaten into a bloody pulp, and a beautiful and immersing piece can emerge. Poetry can be edited and changed and beaten into a bloody pulp, and out comes a bloody, flattened piece of crap. So it's somewhat pointless, in my opinion, to try to fix poetry. It's easier just to start over with things in mind. The best I can suggest is to say what your heart wants. If that doesn't rhyme, then the poem doesn't rhyme. If it doesn't have a good rhythm, than there it is. It's all about the writer's heart, as I said before, and constructive critisism, however constructive, can clog someone's true potential.
That's all just what I think, though. I'm just not one to critisize poetry.
Ps. I don't love everything Emily does. I just comment on the ones I do love/like. :P
Ah, But I disagree.
Although I do write poetry (albeit rarely) in a similar style to Em I do think it can be fixed and improved.
I don't understand all that garbage about scansion and prose and form - but that is why i am not a poet. However I do think even poetry can sometimes dissatisfy the author and they can go back and fix it.
Although I do agree about the rhyming part. Rhyimg is a beezie.
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